BOOK ONE
Introduction
to the Treatise on Love
We must first
consider what love is, whence it gets its name, what the effect of love
is, between what persons love may exist, how it may be acquired,
retained, increased, decreased, and ended, what are the signs that one’s
love is returned, and what one of the lovers ought to do if the other is
unfaithful
Chapter I
What love Is
Love is a certain
inborn suffering derived from the sight of and excessive meditation upon
the beauty of the opposite sex, which causes each one to wish above all
things the embraces of the other and by common desire to carry out all
of love’s precepts in the other’s embrace
That love is
suffering is easy to see, for before the love becomes equally balanced
on both sides there is no torment greater, since the lover is always in
fear that his love may not gain its desire and that he is wasting his
efforts He fears too, that rumors of it may get abroad, and he fears
everything that might harm it in any way, for before things are
perfected a slight disturbance often spoils them If he is a poor man, he
also fears that the woman may scorn his poverty; if he is ugly, he fears
that she may despise his lack of beauty or may give her love to a more
handsome man; if he is rich, he fears that his parsimony in the past may
stand in his way To tell the truth, no one can number the fears of one
single lover This kind of love, then, is a suffering which is felt by
only one of the persons and may be called “single love” But even after
both are in love the tears that arise are just as great, for each of the
lovers fears that what he has acquired with so much effort may be lost
through the effort of someone else, which is certainly much worse for a
man than if, having no hope, he sees that his efforts are accomplishing
nothing, for it is worse to lose the things you are seeking than to be
deprived of a gain you merely hope for. The lover fears, too, that he
may offend his loved one in some way; indeed he fears so many things
that it would he difficult to tell them.
That this suffering
is inborn I shall show you clearly, because if you will look at the
truth and distinguish carefully you will see that it does not arise out
of any action; only from the reflection of the mind upon what it sees
does this suffering come for when a man sees some woman tit for love and
shaped according to his taste, he begins at once to lust after her in
his heart then the more he thinks about her the more he burns with love,
until he comes to a fuller meditation Presently he begins to think about
the fashioning of the woman and to differentiate her limbs, to think
about what she does, and to pry into the secrets of her body, and he
desires to put each part of it to the fullest use Then after he has come
to this complete meditation, love cannot hold the reins, but he proceeds
at once to action: straightway he strives to get a helper to find an
intermediary. He begins to plan how he may find favor with her, and he
begins to seek a place and a time opportune for talking: he looks upon a
brief hour as a very long year, because he cannot do anything fast
enough to suit his eager mind It is well known that man things happen to
him in this manner This inborn suffering comes, therefore, from seeing
and meditating. Not every kind of meditation can be the cause of love,
an excessive one is required; for a restrained thought does not, as a
rule, return to the mind, and so love cannot arise from it.
Chapter II
Between What Persons Love May Exist
Now, in love you
should note first of all that love cannot exist except between persons
of opposite sexes. Between two men or two women love can find no place,
for we see that two persons of the same sex are not at all fitted for
giving each other the exchanges of love or for practicing the acts
natural to it. Whatever nature forbids, love is ashamed to accept
Chapter III
What the Effect of Love Is
Now it is the effect
of love that a true lover cannot be degraded with any avarice Love
causes a rough and uncouth man to be distinguished for his handsomeness;
it can endow a man even of the humblest birth with nobility of
character; it blesses the proud with humility; and the man in love
becomes accustomed to performing many services gracefully for everyone O
what a wonderful thing is love, which makes a maul shine with so many
virtues and teaches everyone, no matter who he is, so many good traits
of character! There is another thing about love that we should not
praise in few words it adorns a man, so to speak, with the virtue of
chastity, because he who shines with the light of one love can hardly
think of embracing another woman, even a beautiful one For when he
thinks deeply of his beloved the sight of any other woman seems to his
mind rough and rude
Chapter IV
What Persons Are Fit for Love
We must now see what
persons are fit to bear the arms of love You should know that everyone
of sound mind who is capable of doing the work of Venus may be wounded
by one of love’s arrows unless prevented by age, or blindness, or excess
of passion
An excess of passion
is a bar to love, because there are men who are slaves to such
passionate desire that they cannot be held in the bonds of love—men who,
after they have thought long about some woman or even enjoyed her, when
they see another woman straightway desire her embraces, and they forget
about the services they have received from their first love and they
feel no gratitude for them. Men of this kind lust after every woman they
see; their love is like that of a shameless dog. They should rather, I
believe, be compared to asses, for they are moved only by that low
nature which shows that men are on the level of the other animals rather
than by that true nature which sets us apart from all the other animals
by the difference of reason.
Chapter V
In
What Manner Love May Be Acquired,
and in How Many Ways
It remains next to
be seen in what ways love may be acquired
A beautiful figure
wins love with very little effort, especially when the lover who is
sought is simple, for a simple lover thinks that there is nothing to
look for in one’s beloved besides a beautiful figure and face and a body
well cared for.
But a wise woman
will seek as a lover a man of praiseworthy character—not one who anoints
himself all over like a woman or makes a rite of the care of the body,
for it does not go with a masculine figure to adorn oneself in womanly
fashion or to be devoted to the care of the body.
Likewise, if you see
a woman too heavily rouged you will not be taken in by her beauty unless
you have already discovered that she is good company besides, since a
woman who puts all her reliance on her rouge usually doesn’t have any
particular gifts of character As I said about men, so with women—I
believe you should not seek for beauty so much as for excellence of
character For since all of us human beings are derived originally from
the same stock and all naturally claim the same ancestor, it was not
beauty or care of the body or even abundance of possessions, but
excellence of character alone which first made a distinction of nobility
among men and led to the difference of class
Character alone,
then, is worthy of the crown of love Many times fluency of speech will
incline to love the hearts of those who do not love, for an elaborate
line of talk on the part of the lover usually sets love’s arrows
a-flying and creates a presumption in favor of the excellent character
of the speaker How this may be I shall try to show you as briefly as I
can
To this end I shall
first explain to you that one woman belongs to the middle class, a
second to the simple nobility, and a third to the higher nobility So it
is with men one is of the middle class, another of the nobility, a third
of the higher nobility, and a fourth of the very highest nobility What I
mean by a woman of the middle class is clear enough to you; a noblewoman
is one descended from an untitled nobleman [vavasor] or a lord, or is
the wife of one of these, while a woman of the higher nobility is
descended from great lords The same rules apply to men, except that a
mart married to a woman of higher or lower rank than himself does not
change his rank. A married woman changes her status to match that of her
husband, but a man can never change his nobility by marriage In
addition, among men we find one rank more than among women, since there
is a man more noble than any of these, that is, the clerk
Chapter VIII
The Easy Attainment of One ’s Object
The readiness to
grant requests is, we say, the same thing in women as overvoluptuousness
in men—a thing which all agree should be a total stranger in the court
of Love. For he who is so tormented by carnal passion that he cannot
embrace anyone in heartfelt love, but basely lusts after every woman he
sees, is not called a lover but a counterfeiter of love and a pretender,
and he is lower than a shameless dog Indeed the mall who is so wanton
that he cannot confine himself to the love of one woman deserves to be
considered an impetuous ass. It will therefore be clear to you that you
are bound to avoid an overabundance of passion and that you ought not to
seek the love of a woman who you know will grant easily what you seek.
BOOK TWO
How Love May Be
Retained
Chapter I
How Love, When It Has Been Acquired, May Be Kept
Now since we have
already said enough about acquiring love, it is not unfitting that we
should next see and describe how this love may be retained after it has
once been acquired The man who wants to keep his love affair for a long
time untroubled should above all things be careful not to let it be
known to any outsider, but should keep it hidden from everybody; because
when a number of people begin to get wind of such an affair, it ceases
to develop naturally and even loses what progress it has already made.
Furthermore a lover ought to appear to his beloved wise in every respect
and restrained in his conduct, and he should do nothing disagreeable
that might annoy her. And if inadvertently he should do something
improper that offends her, let him straightway confess with downcast
face that he has done wrong, and let him give the excuse that he lost
his temper or make some other suitable explanation that will fit the
case And every man ought to be sparing of praise of his beloved when he
is among other men; he should not spend a great deal of time in places
where she is. When he is with other men, if he meets her in a group of
women, he should not try to communicate with her by signs, but should
treat her almost like a stranger lest some person spying on their love
might have opportunity to spread malicious gossip Lovers should not even
nod to each other unless they are sure that nobody is watching them.
Every man should also wear things that his beloved likes and pay a
reasonable amount of attention to his appearance—not too much because
excessive care for one’s looks is distasteful to everybody and leads
people to despise the good looks that one has If the lover is lavish in
giving, that helps him retain a love he has acquired, for all lovers
ought to despise all worldly riches and should give alms to those who
have need of them. Also, if the lover is one who is fitted to be a
warrior, he should see to it that his courage is apparent to everybody,
for it detracts very much from the good character of a man if he is
timid in a fight A lover should always offer his services and obedience
freely to every lady, and he ought to root out all his pride and be very
humble. Then, too, he must keep in mind the general rule that lovers
must not neglect anything that good manners demand or good breeding
suggests, but they should be very careful to do everything of this sort
Love may also be retained by indulging in the sweet and delightful
solaces of the flesh, but only in such manner and in such number that
they may never seem wearisome to the loved one. Let the lover strive to
practice gracefully and manfully any act or mannerism which he has
noticed is pleasing to his beloved. A clerk should not, of course,
affect the manners or the dress of the laity, for no one is likely to
please his beloved, if she is a wise woman, by wearing strange clothing
or by practicing manners that do not suit his status. Furthermore a
lover should make every attempt to be constantly in the company of good
men and to avoid completely the society of the wicked. For association
with the vulgar makes a lover who joins them a thing of contempt to his
beloved.
Chapter II
How Love, Once Consummated, May Be Increased
We shall attempt to
show you in a few words how love may be increased after it has been
consummated. Now in the first place it is said to increase if the lovers
see each other rarely and with difficulty for the greater the difficulty
of exchanging solaces, the more do the desire for them and the feeling
of love increase. Love increases, too, if one of the lovers shows that
he is angry at the other; for the lover falls at once into a great fear
that this feeling which has arisen in his beloved may last forever. Love
increases, likewise, if one of the lovers feels real jealousy, which is
called, in fact, the nurse of love. Even if he does not suffer from real
jealousy, but from a shameful suspicion, still by virtue of this his
love always increases and grows more powerful. Love increases, too, if
it happens to last after it has been made public; ordinarily it does not
last, but begins to fail just as soon as it is revealed. Again, if one
of the lovers dreams about the other, that gives rise to love, or if
love already exists it increases it. So, too, if you know that Someone
is trying to will your beloved away from you, that will no doubt
increase your love and you will begin to feel more affection for her. I
will go further and say that even though you know perfectly well that
some other mall is enjoying the embraces of your beloved, this will make
you begin to value her solaces all the more, unless your greatness of
soul and nobility of mind keep you from such wickedness. When you have
gone to some other place or are about to go away—that increases your
love, and so do the scoldings and beatings that lovers suffer from their
parents, for not only does a scolding lecture cause love to increase
after it is perfected, but it even gives a perfect reason for beginning
a love affair that has not yet started. Frequent dwelling with delight
on the thought of the beloved is of value in increasing love; so is the
sight of her eyes when you are by yourselves and fearful, and her eager
acceptance of a demand for the acts of love. Love is greatly intensified
by a carriage and a way of walking that please the beloved, by a
readiness to say pretty things, by a pleasant manner of speaking, and by
hearing men sing the praises of the loved one.
Chapter V
Indications That One’s Love Is Returned
Now that we have
thus disposed of these questions and have, in a short space, finished
them up, let us add to them a discussion of how to find out whether
one’s love is returned. There are many ways in which a lover can find
out the faith of his beloved and test her feelings If you see that your
loved one is missing all sorts of opportunities to meet you or is
putting false obstacles in your path, you cannot hope long to enjoy her
love. So, too, if you find her, for no reason at all, growing
half-hearted about giving you the usual solaces, you may see that her
faith is wavering. If you find that she keeps out of your sight more
than she was accustomed to do, her feelings are not very stable; and if
she tries to hide from your faithful messenger, there is no doubt that
she has turned you adrift in the mighty waves and that her love for you
is only feigned If at the very moment of delight when she is offering
you her sweet solaces the act is more wearisome to her than usual, you
need not doubt that she has no love for you So, too, if she finds more
fault with you than usual or demands things that she has not been in the
habit of demanding, you may know that your love will not last much
longer. Again, if when she is with you or someone else she frequently
talks about what you did and what the other man did, without making any
distinction between you, or if on some clever pretense she asks what
sort of man he is or what sort of character he has, you may know that
she is thinking about the love of the other man. Moreover, if you find
that she is paying more attention to the care of her person than she had
been doing, either her love for you is growing or she is interested in
the love of someone else.
Chapter VI
If
One of the Lovers Is Unfaithful to the Other
If one of the lovers
should be unfaithful to the other, and the offender is the man, and he
has an eye to a new love affair, he renders himself wholly unworthy of
his former love, and she ought to deprive him completely of her
embraces.
But what if he
should be unfaithful to his beloved,—not with the idea of finding a new
love, but because he has been driven to it by an irresistible passion
for another woman? What, for instance, if chance should present to him
an unknown woman in a convenient place or what if at a time when Venus
is urging him on to that which I am talking about he should meet with a
little strumpet or somebody’s servant girl? Should he, just because he
played with her in the grass, lose the love of his beloved? We can say
without fear of contradiction that just for this a lover is not
considered unworthy of the love of his beloved unless he indulges in so
many excesses with a number of women that we may conclude that he is
overpassionate. But if whenever he becomes acquainted with a woman he
pesters her to gain his end, or if he attains his object as a result of
his efforts, then rightly he does deserve to he deprived of his former
love, because there is strong presumption that he has acted in this way
with an eye toward a new one, especially where he has strayed with a
woman of the nobility or otherwise of an honorable estate
I know that once
when I sought advice I got the answer that a true lover can never desire
a new love unless he knows that for some definite and sufficient reason
the old love is dead; we know from our own experience that this rule is
very true. We have fallen in love with a woman of the most admirable
character, although we have never had, or hope to have, any fruit of
this love. For we are compelled to pine away for love of a woman of such
lofty station that we dare not say one word about it, nor dare we throw
ourself upon her mercy, and so at length we are forced to find our body
shipwrecked. But although rashly and without foresight we have fallen
into such great waves in this tempest, still we cannot think about a new
love or look for any other way to free ourself.
But since you are
making a special study of the subject of love, you may well ask whether
a man can have a pure love for one woman and a mixed or common love with
another. We will show you, by an unanswerable argument, that no one can
feel affection for two women in this fashion. For although pure love and
mixed love may seem to be very different things, if you will look at the
matter properly you will see that pure love, so far as its substance
goes, is the same as mixed love and comes from the same feeling of the
heart. The substance of the love is the same in each case, and only the
manner and form of loving are different, as this illustration will make
clear to you. Sometimes we see a man with a desire to drink his wine
unmixed, and at another time his appetite prompts him to drink only
water or wine and water mixed; although his appetite manifests itself
differently, the substance of it is the same and unchanged. So likewise
when two people have long been united by pure love and afterwards desire
to practice mixed love, the substance of the love remains the sane in
them, although the manner and the way of practicing it are different.
Chapter VII
Various Decisions in Love Cases
Now then, let us
come to various decisions in cases of love.
I. A certain knight
loved his lady beyond all measure and enjoyed her full embrace, but she
did not love him with equal ardor. He sought to leave her, but she,
desiring to retain him in his former status, opposed his wish. In this
affair the Countess of Chaunpagne gave this response “It is considered
very unseemly for a woman to seek to be loved and yet to refuse to love.
It is silly for anybody disrespectfully to ask of others what she
herself wholly refuses to give to others.”
II. A certain man
asked the Lady Ermengarde of Narbonne to make clear where there was the
greater affection—between lovers or between married people. The lady
gave him a logical answer She said “We consider that marital affection
and the true love of lovers are wholly different and arise from entirely
different sources, and so the ambiguous nature of the word prevents the
comparison of the things and we have to place them in different classes.
Comparisons of more or less are not valid when things are grouped
together under an ambiguous heading and the comparison is made in regard
to that ambiguous term. It is no true comparison to say that a name is
simpler than a body or that the outline of a speech is better arranged
than the delivery.”
III. The sane man
asked the sane lady this question. A certain woman had been married, but
was now separated from her husband by a divorce and her former husband
sought eagerly for her love. In this case the lady replied “If any two
people have been married and afterwards separate in any way, we consider
love between them wholly wicked.”
IV. A certain knight
was in love with a woman who had given her love to another man, but he
got from her this much hope of her love—that if it should ever happen
that she lost the love of her beloved, then without a doubt her love
would go to this man. A little while after this the woman married her
lover. The other knight then demanded that she give him the fruit of the
hope she had granted him, but this she absolutely refused to do, saying
that she had not lost the love of her lover. In this affair the Queen
gave her decision as follows: “We dare not oppose the opinion of the
Countess of Champagne, who ruled that love can exert no power between
husband and wife. Therefore we recommend that the lady should grant the
love she has promised.”
V. The Queen was
also asked which was preferable the love of a young man or of one
advanced in years. She answered this question with wonderful subtlety by
saying, “We distinguish between a good and a better love by the man’s
knowledge and his character and his praiseworthy manners, not by his
age. But as regards that natural instinct of passion, young men are
usually more eager to gratify it with older women than with young ones
of their own age; those who are older prefer to receive the embraces and
kisses of young women rather than of the older ones. But on the other
hand a woman whether young or somewhat older likes the embraces and
solaces of young men better than those of older ones. The explanation of
this fact seems to be a physiological one”
Chapter VIII
The Rules of Love
Let us come now to
the rules of love, and I shall try to present to you very briefly those
rules which the King of Love is said to have proclaimed with his own
mouth and to have given in writing to all lovers.
I Marriage is no
real excuse for not loving.
II He who is not
jealous cannot love.
III No one can be
bound by a double love.
IV It is well known
that love is always increasing or decreasing.
V That which a lover
takes against his will of his beloved has no relish.
VI Boys do not love
until they arrive at the age of maturity.
VII When one lover
dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
VIII No one should
be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
IX No one can love
unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.
X Love is always a
stranger in the home of avarice.
XI It is not proper
to love any woman whom one should be ashamed to seek to marry.
XII A true lover
does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
XIII When made
public love rarely endures.
XIV. The easy
attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment
makes it prized.
XV. Every lover
regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
XVI. When a lover
suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
XVII. A new love
puts to flight an old one.
XVIII. Good
character alone makes any man worthy of love.
XIX. If love
diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
XX. A man in love is
always apprehensive.
XXI. Real jealousy
always increases the feeling of love.
XXII. Jealousy, and
therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.
XXIII. He whom the
thought of love vexes, eats and sleeps very little.
XXIV. Every act of a
lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
XXV. A true lover
considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
XXVI. Love can deny
nothing to love.
XXVII. A lover call
never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
XXVIII. A slight
presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
XXIX. A man who is
vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
XXX. A true lover is
constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his
beloved.
XXXI. Nothing
forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
How Love May Be Retained (Book II)
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